somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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