can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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