he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
