Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
