I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
