There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
