I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
