I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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