I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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