Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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