i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
