can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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