Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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