it wasn't lemon gatorade
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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