just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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