Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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