idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
