The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
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Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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