I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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