i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
