wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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