Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
