someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
