I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
