We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can you bring me the toilet please
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
