They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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