It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
