need another drink. this is the easiest way
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
