i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
