Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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