We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
