i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
