i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
