I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
