I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
