My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
