I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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