I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
