Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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