what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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