Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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