this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
