Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
