Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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