i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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