4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
