Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
