She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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