Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
