The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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