Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
