I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
