Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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