I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
