Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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