I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
