Do you still have your period?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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