Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
