Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
