i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
