I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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