my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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