I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
