dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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