he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
