I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
