she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
