I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
