You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
