Non-Jews are for practice
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
