Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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