No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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